The way you speak, the words you use, reflect your level of assertiveness. Learn how to communicate assertively.
The following are suggestions regarding the language of assertiveness.
- “I” statements:
I think…
I feel…
I want…
- Statements of Personal Reference and Personal Meaning:
“This is the way I see it”
“In my opinion…”
“This is how I feel”
“This is what it means to me”
- Statements of Request:
“I” want…
“I” need…
- Statements offering compromise:
“I” would like this…
What would you like?
“I” think…What do you think?
“What would be an acceptable compromise?”
“Can we work this out–What time is agreeable to you?”
- Asking for time:
“I’d like to discuss this in an hour”
Taking time to think, know what you want to be different,
thinking of compromise, etc.
- Asking for clarification–instead of ASSUMING.
- AVOID demanding and blaming statements:
You make me…
You think…
You should/shouldn’t…
It’s your fault…
Don’t you think…
If only you would…
Specific Verbal Skills
- “I” think statements
- Broken record–repeating what you want, persistence
- Acknowledge what other is saying, then repeat your view, opinion, need, etc.
- Provide feedback–respond to what other person is saying
Language Formula
- I feel–state your feeling
- When (describe behavior)
- Because (concrete effect or consequence on your situation)
- I’d prefer (offer compromise)
Last Updated: February 11, 2022